How to Handle Negative or Jealous People and Still Stay Positive!

Did you ever come home after doing a detox, cleanse or juice fast, feeling on top of the world and in your healthy glow, only to have one of your friends or co-workers kill your joy ride with a negative remark? Did you ever post a picture on Facebook after losing weight or healing yourself in some way, feeling so proud of the work you’ve done, just to have a friend leave a comment that was less than complimentary? Did you recently achieve something special, like writing a book (a-hem) or getting a promotion at work and you noticed a particular person in your life made a sideways comment that was actually somewhat derogatory?

Even if you receive 99 genuine and praising compliments for your efforts, you can hang on to that 1 nasty comment and just feel terrible for days. And feeling bad is NOT good for your health! Could that person actually be jealous of you? Or are they just perpetually caught in the negative, and never actually happy for you in the way you are happy for their success?

One of the sad parts about changing your diet and your lifestyle for the better is that some people around you may not be so supportive or happy to see you change. Jealousy is, without a doubt, an ugly beast, and once it rears its ugly head, it can be hard for it to go away. What can you do if you suspect that your friend, co-worker or family member is actually jealous of you? How do you deal with negativity when you feel so positive, happy and healthy? If you want the best for everyone around you, why don’t they also want the best for you?

Remember: What other people think of you is none of YOUR business!

How can you respond to a jealous or negative comment?

1. Do NOT take things personally! Usually when someone is actively negative, it has absolutely everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. You might actually notice that the person in question makes comments about everyone in a bad way, so no matter what you do or don’t do, you will be a topic of conversation for them.

2. Remember: What other people think about you is none of your business! You rocked this world with your successes and you should own that success. Be proud of yourself and stand tall! No one knows how hard you worked and no one has the right to judge you.

3. You cannot and never will please everyone. It’s just not possible, so let go of having to make everyone happy! Do your best to be compassionate, loving, genuine and honest but know that sometimes people will still not like you, even if you are a good person, and that’s okay! People even find reasons to not like the Dalai Lama, so come on!

4. Choose not to comment. Take the higher ground with negativity and simply do not acknowledge it. Look at it as a spiritual challenge and an opportunity to grow emotionally. Letting go of the need to reply is truly a remarkable release and you will find so much freedom there! Plus, it stops the energy of negativity dead in its tracks. Remember, you cannot have an argument with only one person. Think of yourself as bamboo, strong in your form but flexible to move in the wind. You can withstand any storm as long as you stay focused in your strength!

5. Be kind but practice safe distancing. If you see a pattern in one person who is continuously jabbing you with snide comments, then you should think about whether or not you want to have that person in your life. You are precious and your time is precious, so choose who you give your time to wisely. I often think the best thing to do is to be as compassionate and kind as you can but slowly distance yourself from the person, making it clear that you are not available. They will either change their tune and start getting more positive on their own, or they will set their sights to something or someone else.

When in doubt, send them love!

If you are absolutely unsure what to do with the negative Nelly in your life, then simply send them love! Especially if you catch yourself caught in the midst of “What?” “Why?” “How could they?” “Don’t they know that….” then it’s time to stop, close your eyes, and take a long deep breath. Visualize a huge white ray of love and light wrapping itself around Nelly filling him or her with Divine unconditional love. Watch and wait what happens. You will be amazed to see the change. Sometimes it’s even instant!

What if you feel envious of someone else?

Don’t beat yourself for being human if you have the occasional feeling of envy. It’s normal to feel a slight pang of envy when you see someone enjoying success. But, if you feel yourself being spiteful or speaking untruths about someone just to better your own position, then you need to get yourself in check. You will never reach your full healing potential if you stay stuck in the gutter of negativity, and the only person who continues to suffer is you! Jealousy is a monster of a negative emotion. It can literally make your liver run hot, stress your adrenal glands, deplete your body of minerals and make you more acidic just from the buildup of negative emotions. On the flip side, feeling mof compassion, love, acceptance, happiness and joy are all extremely alkalizing for the body and good for your health.

If you want success, then do not compare yourself to the person sitting next to you. You are not competing against anyone in this life but you. Focus on your own path and stay in tune with your goals. Remember: No one even achieved anything when they stopped trying, and no one is ever born an expert. Read success stories for motivation and know that if that one person achieved their goal, then you can too!

Take some added inspiration from these successful “failures”!

Often times, right behind a person’s biggest fear is their greatest success!

Now go out there and show the world a healthy, beautiful, positive and successful YOU!

What’s your favorite success quote that helps to keep you focused? Share it in the comments below!

Staying positive and steering clear of negativity is just one part of living a happy, healthy life. For more on how to start your Health Coaching for Success, book a private health consult with me via Skype.

More Motivation:

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Jennifer Thompson has been working with raw food, juices, smoothies and detox for over two decades to help people heal. Today, she shares her expertise worldwide, offering lectures, workshops, training and one-on-one consultations at various health and detox retreat centers. She provides Iridology Readings & Health Coaching via Skype and Phone to clients and continues to educate, motivate and inspire others on their journey of healing. When she’s not working, you’ll find her hiking in the mountains, power-walking along the sea or globe-trotting to a new and exotic health destination.
48 replies
  1. A beautiful face in Apt 2
    A beautiful face in Apt 2 says:

    I think these tips are far too generous. We don’t owe the bitter, jealous people in our lives any “love” or kindness for their pathetic behavior. For your own sake take it all as a compliment. You’re doing something right or they wouldn’t be jealous of you. Take the opportunity to make lemons into lemonade. They’ve just handed you a gift! Their jealousy is a validation that you are indeed amazing. Secondly: Avoid them. They’re essentially pests — so would you give a bloodthirsty mosquito your time? Didn’t think so. So don’t give these energy vampires your time either! No one who mistreats you deserves your time and respect. (Never sink to their level by being rude in return!) They’ll get bored once they realize they can’t get a rise out of you.

    Reply
  2. Jaqui Nunn
    Jaqui Nunn says:

    I just can’t believe how US humans are hey . .but yes such is life… I am in a situation now and it is really what I hate … I love to love but always land up hurt ..

    Reply
  3. Nicole
    Nicole says:

    Hello. I also found this post when googling about negative people. I just lost two friends-one who I considered a good friend- do to one person. They chose to stop all contact with me because one friend said that I was negative all the time, and everything I say is negative. It freaked me out because I never saw anything I said as being negative. I had gone through a rough patch from overcoming bullying (false rumors to hurt me, lies to my leaders to get me in trouble, blaming me for other’s mistakes)

    I made apologies to them, but they did not want to accept. I asked many of my friends because I did not want to offend people, nor did I want to come across as being a negative person. Problem is all my friends have told me that I am the furthest from being anywhere close to negative. They have described me as being sweet, positive and uplifting, having never heard anything negative from me.

    This got me into researching wondering if my friend was the negative thinker interpreting the things I say, intending for positivity, as negative. It has emotionally drained me, and I am seeking advise.

    Reply
    • Priya
      Priya says:

      Your condition is basically the same as mine. I have suffered the same… In my class there were a few students who always wanted to pull me down and did everything to create problems and obstacles in my life. From spreading rumours to blaming me for someone else’s mistakes and playing dirty mind games. And being an emotional person, i can’t help thinking about it. So i just came across this article and it has motivated me seriously.

      Reply
  4. Isha
    Isha says:

    Hello Ms.Jennifer

    Thanking for making me realise that only I can make that descision….

    According to me it will great if I forgive her…but if she still acts rude or something near to negativeness I won’t talk to her then….

    Talking about having a discussion with her regarding what happened I would say that we have already discussed that via message.
    And in that discussion she was blaming me even for her own mistakes….And she did not agree that she talked to me rudely at that time when we were in America…..She says that it was my mistake….

    And then just the next day sent me “SORRY”
    I asked my mother too about what to do next….And according to my mother I should still forgive her as she sent sorry….Because if someone says sorry then it means that he or she has realised her mistake…..Happy to talk to you….But if you would like to share your opinion please do so….If you think that I am taking the wrong step then please do inform as your advice will be the best for me as it was before….This would be my last comment on this blog (because I am such a person who has commented so many times)(I think tht now I am being an irritating element to you)….
    I will read your next comment too but will not reply to it(As this is my last comment on this blog)
    As I will not reply to the next comment……So I would to thank you for your nezt comment (I know that again it will be as frabjous as all your other comments)….

    Thank you,
    Sorry for disturbing you
    I hope I wasn’t a disturbing element to you
    Thank you once again,
    And goodbye!!!

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Dear Isha,

      It’s perfectly ok to accept someone’s apology, forgive them (and yourself!), and then cut ties and go separate ways. You don’t have to be BFFs with this person ever again, but you can wish them well and make some nice closure to this whole situation by saying “Thank you, I accept your apology” and then let go, and move on. The KEY for you after that is to really move on. That is, do not continue to answer additional messages or get pulled back into arguments or discussions about what happened, who did what, right vs. wrong etc. If you do, then you are re-engaging this person and then YOU are responsible for any further emotional turmoil that will cause. In short, if you want this to end, then you need to end it!

      This whole experience has been a wonderful learning lesson for you to better understand and value what type of friendships you want, and what type of friend you want to be. That’s a gift, really!

      My best,

      To your health,

      Jennifer

      Reply
    • Jame
      Jame says:

      Hi I have raised my children on my own without my sisters even contacting me for 12yrs, my ex is an abuser and user. I lost my little brother and my dad in the last 4 yrs, my sisters do ring only if they want something and are very critical of me and there husbands and there children. I am so tired and worn as I helped my dad over the last yr of his life the sisters wouldn’t. I glad I did. One of my sisters is a liar saying I didn’t help much but she told me I had to as her and her husband want to work, lol I was financially strap. Now they all ignore me I’m so hurt I have no adult support. What do you suggest?

      Reply
      • Jennifer Thompson
        Jennifer Thompson says:

        Dear Jame,

        What do you want? In other words, what is your ideal outcome for yourself regarding this issue? Do you want these people in your life, if so in what capacity? Is it perhaps time to reach out and seek new support from others, people who care for your health and well being?

        My best,

        Jennifer

        Reply
  5. Isha
    Isha says:

    Hello Ms. Jennifer!

    Thanks for wishing me good luck!

    As you said that I ahould start distancing myself from my jealoused friend…
    I did so.(but in a polite way)
    I did my best and ignored her(again in a polite way only)…
    And after 2 days she came to me and asked me….why are you showing such ignorant nature to me?
    Now…..I pretended as if I didn’t hear what she said….
    And in a way ignored her…
    Then she said “sorry” to me atleast 10 times via message!
    I read her messages but I haven’t replied to her message…

    If you would like to suggest something then please do so….as I think only you are the person who can advice something really good and useful….☺️
    Bye-Bye and sorry for disturbing again

    Thanking you,
    Hope for a fascinating solution again!!

    WITH REGARDS
    ISHA

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Dear Isha,

      Do you want to take the time to explain how you feel and re-open what happened? Only you can make that decision. If so, it sounds like there is an opportunity here to express your emotions. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to get back into the friendship again (unless you want to). In communicating your feelings, you have the chance to clear the energy for yourself. Sometimes in these cases, you can repair the friendship with a foundation of new respect and understanding. Other times, you just get to say how you feel and get some type of closure to the relationship. But you won’t know how it will play out until you sit down and tell this person how you feel. Be respectful and kind, but speak clearly and to the point.

      My best,

      Jennifer

      Reply
  6. Isha
    Isha says:

    Hello Ms.Jennifer

    I am sorry but as you are superbly intelligent according to me…..so I asked such a question .
    Don’t take it seriously…..I Just cracked a joke!
    I hope you didn’t mind my words….but would truly say that you are very intelligent!!
    And I really thank and appreciate you for your awe-inspiring solutions…..

    Thank you and sorry
    WITH REGARDS ISHA

    Reply
  7. Isha
    Isha says:

    All that you posted was quite prodigious!thanks for that!

    And as you have solved many people’s problem…please solve mine too…

    Actually I have a friend and we went to America from a school trip…And over there everyone complimented me for my jim-dandy outfits ….and she got jealoused and used to talk with me rudely!

    Now we are back to our homeland and still she behaves like that….I talked about it to my other friends and they said that she (my friend) has a bad nature….she remains irritated from everyone….

    What to do??Should I be her friend??my parents say just let her go to hell and enjoy….pleased suggest something!!!

    Thanking You
    With Regards,ISHA

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Dear Isha,

      It’s wonderful that you received compliments during your travels as I’m sure it made you feel good about yourself and perhaps even boosted your confidence! Definitely remember that, and continue to share good vibes and compliments to others (even in blog post comments…. a-hem) as it’s good karma for you to spread the LOVE!

      Regarding your “friend,” I would ask you to consider this: what is your definition of a friend? Is this person meeting that definition for you?

      It may be time to start distancing yourself from her, without any condemnation to hell…only with good wishes and hope for her in her own healing journey.

      It may be that the trip you took together was an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and how you want to be treated in your relationships (and how you want too treat others too of course… a-hem).

      Any time you find yourself dwelling on negative comments or behavior from this person, you will only attract more of what you DON’T want…and you may also find yourself in other uncomfortable friendships too. Alternatively, the more you keep your focus on what you DO want, the more you will attract good people into your life. Ultimately, the choice is yours!

      Good luck!

      To your health,

      Jennifer

      Reply
      • Isha
        Isha says:

        Thank you so much…..
        What you suggested me is a great solution to my problem!!
        Thhank you so much…
        Now I just don’t care about what she did to me……
        Thank you so much for your spiffing and frabjous solution!!
        WITH REGARDS,ISHA

        THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN

        Reply
  8. Jessica
    Jessica says:

    Hello Jennifer,

    I found your post when I was goggling about these problems. I want to share my thoughts and need your advice. Most of the time I feel most of the people are jealous of me. If I say/do something I feel that they are not happy or make wrong comments. Is it possible? I always try to talk to myself and say that what is so great in me so that most of the people will be jealous of me. Your thoughts please.

    I have a set of friends whose behavior bothers me a lot. There is one who is rich, beautiful and I feel others just follow that person. Sometimes I feel other friends behavior will be different when that person is there. Is it just my doubt? That one person who is dominating and loud mouth stopped talking to me for a while but I showed like I am not understanding anything. I just started keeping distance with that group but it looks like that bothers them a lot and they became more bad towards me. In front of me they will show like they are such a good friends. I don’t want to completely break the friendship but whenever I meet them in parties we return with bad taste/ bad memory. Not bad like they abused me but little neglected feeling.

    Please suggest what to do.

    Thanks in advance

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Dear Jessica,

      It sounds like you have recognized these friends as people who are not making you feel good about yourself, but you can’t seem to let go of the relationship. Just think for a moment – how would your life be different if you decided to spend less time with that circle of friends? Would you perhaps have an opportunity to make new friends who are more in alignment with your energies?

      Put your focus within yourself and tune into your true heart feelings. You will find the solution there.

      Good luck!

      My best,

      Jennifer

      Reply
  9. Hina
    Hina says:

    I always find it difficult to deal with these negative, jealous and rude people. It’s just so hard for me to believe that I always wish the best for them but what I get in return is just the opposite. I am a college student and some of my classmates are so immature and cannot handle others success. They basically lack self-esteem I suppose. Everyday I struggle really hard to deal with these ill-minded people. When will they learn to grow up and be positive? I just want to walk away from them but I think that will make them feel that in reality I am really offended by their mean comments.

    Reply
    • Ali
      Ali says:

      Usually, everyone finds such friends at college or university. Their comments don’t deserve a reply. The day you become successful, everyone will start treating you with respect and care. Cheers

      Reply
  10. Claretta Wilkerson
    Claretta Wilkerson says:

    i meet this nice guy he very negative, but I like him a whole lot so i am going out my way. to be with him. If i did not care i would have told him long time ago to get lost. But my heart tell me he will change on his own. as long as I do not take it personally. I doing every in my power to be there for the both of us. I need this gentlemen in my life. we have so much in common. I am positive he is negative.

    Reply
  11. Nazia Abbas
    Nazia Abbas says:

    Hi there,

    I am hoping you can help me. Basically I am having and have been having trouble with my cousins since I was at school. They have bullied me and taunted me for years. As a child I felt really hurt. On top of this my father was sick and me and my silblings were caring for him. Then at 6 years of age, my mum left because she got sick- so really life has been really hard.

    Up till college when I decided to go my own way because I had enough of the feuds and been made felt bad, when its never explained to me what I have done wrong instead I get an aggressive explosion and every time I was left hurt for something not of my doing.

    My cousins say horrible things when I’m doing well and the fact I’d walked away from the family and lived my own life. I get abused in the street and because as a child I got scared, I’m reverting to that scared child everytime its my cousins bullying me.

    In May 2015, my cousin threatened, swore and nearly drove her car into the gate of the house because of a family tiff, nothing to do with me.I was stressed that day and couldn’t stand up for myself so I walked away. I called the police and now she’s had a warning. But I know this isn’t the end of the problem.

    I need help to try and sort this problem, I walked away from this years ago and it does not seem to have worked but its escalated the problem and I look like the bad guy because I stay away from the family.

    How can I sort this or stop this from happening, especially when days when my confidence is low?
    OR How do I stop this cycle? Or stop being targeted for lies or abuse?

    Regards

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Hi Nazia,

      If you re-read your story you will see something really clear – “they have bullied me and taunted me for years.” Does it look like they are going to change? I’d say not! The only thing that can change in this story is YOU. You can’t keep waiting for them to build up your confidence. It has to come from within YOU.

      I know it’s really hard when it’s your family but YOU NEED love and support. Everyone does! If your family cannot give you that, then it’s time to find other people who lift you up and love you for who you are. That could be friends, a co-worker, a support group, a church group…anyone at all! Fill your schedule with things that you love to do. Make yourself busy and unavailable to the bullies – they will move their sights to someone else.

      The thing about bullies is that they are thugs. They are manipulative and will always make you look like the bad guy no matter what you do. Let go of what they think of you! You can send them love and healing energy, but it’s not your job to fix them. Simply walk away! When you stop taking notice to a bully, they lose their power instantly!!

      Move on with YOUR life and look to your future. What kind of people do you want to be surrounded by? Put your focus there. Treat others as you want to be treated. Never change who you are. Just change who you choose to spend your time with!

      “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
      – Lao Tzu

      Good luck and healthy blessings!

      Jennifer

      Reply
  12. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Hi Jennifer and everyone,
    I really need an advice. I’ve search this topic as I don’t have another idea how to deal with one of my friend. I’m really tired about this thought on the other side it’s ironic while I’m sick of his attitude until I’m looking around for a solution but he doesn’t feel at all that he causing this headaches. I knew a bit about Psychology I knew that he is insecure, jealous and has a larger than life ego. In most cases for most people who has interaction with me, I still can deal with it. But this one is a special case that I need to ask an expert how to deal with it.
    Just to be clear, I will write my story and case by points :
    – We’re from Indonesia and we’re a musician, We know each other since we’re on the High School and he’s my High School Band Mate.
    – Actually, we’re very close friend, we know each other for so long , we know our parent each other, our parent know us each other. While we’re on High School sometimes I sleep at his home, sometimes he’s sleep at my home something like that. I knew all his family very well ( his brother, sister ) and other way around.
    – We’re no longer Band Mate since about we’re 23 years old due that so called unresolveable difference vision.
    – On 2004 until 2009 he’s going to US for Music Study at University of Oklahoma. So we didn’t meet at that periode, we just sometimes talk on Skype or Social Media. He’s very smart and highly capable Musician but sometimes he just forgot to learn the small thing beside music like maturity.

    Situation nowadays :
    If I’m willing to join his project, he’s very nice to me. If I do my own project with my friends he then turn act like an enemy or competitor.

    If I’m willing to be in his project, he praises me to the sky on Facebook. But when he started feel I have another plan or doing something else ( even if I’m doing nothing but he’s very very sensitive ) he then turn act like competitor or enemies.

    – What I feel about him : As a friend it’s okay, we’re friend but to working together again it’s impossible as I think we’re very difference in many ways. BUT even we’re not working together, I want we’re still be friend and support each other. I want he’s looking another partner that match with him, doing his thing with them, I wish my best for him and his companion and other way around. I make my own band and I just want he’s support and wish us luck as a friend, just like I did. What I want is just this and I think it’s normal. This kind of thing happens since the universe begin. However, it’s really hard to make him understand. His attitude is like : If you’re not join my project then you’re my enemy, enough said!

    Even the Facebook activity is very annoying. He’s try as hard as he can to prove everything I say or do is wrong. He put unbeliveable effort to prove that he’s good and I’m bad or he’s right and I’m wrong. He get over sensitive that he reply anything I said or do even it’s not related with him. It’s really frustating untill at some point I rarely log in to my Facebook as I knew everything I say or do will be wrong in his eyes. Sometimes I login but not doing anything as even just commented my friend’s status I know it will make everything getting worse. He’s intimidate me untill my life is not getting easier as it should. Please note that I’ve try to do the right thing myself at first. If he write or post the status about his activity ( that not related with me ), I liked his status and saying the good things and support him, something like that. I think if I’m doing that then he will change his attitude, but somehow it didn’t happened. The thing is, actually, I knew what happens, I knew that he’s insecure and jealous but I hold myself to not talking about his attitude directly as I know it will hurt him much. If I wrote on Facebook whatever I’m thinking about him just like what he do then it will be a World War 3. I knew that he can’t hold himself so I hold myself as much as I can. But then I ever once I feel I get enough with his attitude, Hey I’m a human! He’s so intimidate me even if I’m trying to silence. I wrote on my Facebook about what really happens with HIS writing style. It’s maybe hammered him right on his face until he’s removed my Facebook. It happens about 2 years ago. Since then, We’re not talking at all each other.

    3 Months ago I got a message on my Whatsapp and it’s from him. He still had my phone number. He talked nicely just like nothing happens before. Ok, the wound is ease. He then call me by phone. In short, he wants to meet me and thinking I’m the right person to join his new project. Well, honestly I’m a bit sceptic from the first time. But I’m not sceptic about his project. He’s brilliant, he know what he’s talking if it’s about doing his thing. Maybe he’s one of the best in Indonesia. You will find some impressive music acts if you’re searching his name on Google or YouTube. But due a Privacy Reason, I can’t say his name publicely as it’s maybe will harm his reputation. He has million international followers as a Musician and had many US friend as he lives there for 5 years. It’s his behind the scene story. Something that only his friend who know him for 20+ years will know. He’s my old friend and beside our relationship problem, I still want him to suceed and get what he deserve for his talents. When he called me, I’m sceptic more about can we work together. But then I see an opportunity to talk with him directly about everything and try to solve our friend relationship problem. About his project itself, I have some points in mind and if we can reach an agreement, I can do that. Then we’re met, talked and we’re agree. Not everything in my mind get answered on that conversation but I think it’s okay. I think it’s ‘safe’ to take it from there. After that everything back to normal, I re-adding him on Facebook then he start praises me again to the sky like I wrote above.

    About 1 month ago is the last time I met him. Some days after our last meeting, he asked to meet me but I can’t because my day job ( he knew and aware about my day job ). I can meet him but only in Sunday. He asked me 2 times but I can’t meet him. I’m not ignore him, I can’t meet him not because I don’t want but I can’t. About my day job itself is the part of the term we agree on our conversation. Meanwhile, I’m able to do his project outside my day job. On Whatsapp, he said okay no worries. But on Facebook, he start whinning again looks like he get over sensitive about why I can’t meet him. But I try to act like nothing happens. Outside his ‘insecure’ status, I still liked and commented some positive words for him. Untill then, I commented my other friend’s status. It’s a man who he know also, a musician and play the same instrument as him. Without my conscious, it’s blow him instantly. It’s like he’s thinking like this : Hey, he don’t want to meet me but why he’s talking with him, do they have some project or talked something behind me?

    Then oh God it’s happens again in a very short time. He started again whinning an insecure status and acts againts me. Because it’s an emergency situation, I try to meet him as soon as possible to talk with him. But right after that he don’t want to meet me. I then hold myself and thinking what the best option I can do. I decided to talk straight to the point but on his Whatsapp. I talk him like this :
    Bro if you feel anything about me, please talk directly to me then we’re try to find a solution. Whatever you feel about me bad or good please talk and I guarantee I will not angry, as long you talk directly to me. Don’t say to me ( directly ) no worries but say different things on Facebook. I just try to prevent the old same crappy thing happens again. Me, myself, I have many things to talk to you but I’m waited until I meet you. If I’m not meet you yet then I hold everything and not conclude anything. If I write on status about this matter even I write it anonim, I’m afraid some people know who’s I’m talking about. I don’t want to harm your reputation just because I write something on Facebook. I feel shame also to peoples talking about this matter on Facebook because it’s like a child. I believe you have the same good will as me because you’re my friend. So we better meet soon and talking directly about anything then see if we can agree each other. Sorry for all the incovenienced cause by it, but I just try to prevent the same old problem happens.
    Then he replied but…..Denial and ‘escaping’. Why you talk to me like this you know I’m sad lately my engagement with my girl friend is failed so I’m really sad now bla bla bla.

    I ignored his reply as it’s just Denial. Then I reply ok just tell me when you can meet me then we talk.
    Now I really confuse and start ‘silence’ again in Facebook. I know his situation now is more complex and againts his ego. Deep in his heart, he know he’s wrong but he just so childish and egoistic to acknowledge the truth to get anything better. Acknowledge the truth is just not him. So he’s afraid to meet me because he know he’s wrong. In the other side, he know also that he can’t doing the same thing whinning on Facebook like a child. He’s still very active now on Facebook try to act like nothing happens but everybody can see he withstand something really hard. Because I know meanwhile his emotion will depends on what I write on my status, I still keep silence.

    This is my plan :
    I’m wait untill I meet him to talk and try there is 3rd party involved, wheteher is his friend or whoever. I want there is a witness for our next conversation and agreements. Because if not, the same thing will happen and happen again. Though, I doubt he will agree a 3rd party get involve as his ego will feel it as a trap to ackowledge the truth.

    Look I know he’s act and attitude is a protection for his deep sense of lacking. I know under that ‘mask’ is a little boy. But even I understand him, I still confuse about how to deal with him. As I’ve tried many ways but it just not working. I really don’t know how to deal with him but on the other side I can’t simply ignore him because he’s my old friend and I know his family very well. I do hope he’s married soon so it can muffled his ego a bit. But looks like his engagement is failed.

    If maybe needed, I don’t mind to give my Facebook and his Facebook account for observation so you can see everything yourself. But please do it privately, just send me an email if needed.

    Any though and advises will be really appreciate, whatever it is even I should defeat myself it’s okay as long I can solve this problem.
    Let me know and thank you in advance.

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Hi Anonymous,

      Wow, that’s a story! To be honest, it sounds like you already solved the problem. I think your plan sounds very reasonable. If you want to keep this person as a friend, then you will need to communicate your feelings in a positive but clear way. That said, he may still choose after to cut you off again, and you need to be emotionally prepared for that. The other option is to draw the line and keep distance, not with any negative intent, but just to be able to hold your own space. Only you can decide what is best for you, but you will never be able to control someone else’s reactions or comments. You can only control how you choose to react.

      My best friend of more than 25 years would say this: You can have someone drain your energy for 20 or 30 years and then cut them, or you can cut them now, be free and move on, making space for more positive and supportive friends to come. That may sound harsh but you have to think about how much energy you wasted even writing that whole story. Is this “friend” really serving your greater good?

      Good luck! And good luck with your music too! I wish you all the very best!

      To your health,

      Jennifer

      Reply
      • Anonymous
        Anonymous says:

        Hi Jennifer,
        Thank you for your reply and good wishes.
        This line got me : That may sound harsh but you have to think about how much energy you wasted even writing that whole story.
        Yeah better to get over it and put my energy somewhere else. I focused on to do the right things at my side and accepted whatever his reaction. If he cut me off again then it is what the way it is. I leave this matter by himself as it’s so childish but his attitude is his own responsibility, not mine. Like you said in this article that we can’t please everyone. We just can try to do the right things and do the best we can.
        Thanks again and best wishes to you!

        Reply
        • Jennifer Thompson
          Jennifer Thompson says:

          Hi Anonymous,

          yes Yes YES! You’ve taken your power back! Once some time has passed, you can look back and actually thank this friend for helping you to evolve on your own spiritual journey!

          To your health,
          Jennifer

  13. Disha
    Disha says:

    Hi Jennifer,
    This is a really great post…Thank u.I am gonna do some being strong thing now I think.wish me luck .:)

    Reply
  14. Yoko
    Yoko says:

    Hello Jennifer and everyone else who are reading this,

    Thank you for posting this up and I am glad it is a new post and actively been managed. I am being distracted with someone/something recently as well and I am hoping you can provide some help.

    I have initiated and invited someone else as Co-Founder (as the school club can only be officially established with two leaders) three years ago. Due to completely different goals of the club, I had less passion and did not contribute much, thereby, I got kicked out one year later. (I eventually found other ways to take responsibility roles and took became Board of the Directors with another organization.) However, as the initiator and Founder (since the club won’t exist without my original idea), I believe I should still assist the club by suggesting and creating and managing the website. (I am being blocked from having access to club’s up-to-dates and emails). The Co-Founder did not want the website up. But everyone else on the executive went for it. Thus, the website is successfully set up. Next thing is that I wanted to show worldwide school students about this club internationally and I would like others to follow up and pursue their leadership skills and succeed. Therefore, I have posted the website on an international website under my name with the club’s name. Again, the same Co-Founder went mad and demanded to take it down (demanding me discrediting others, while others did not say anything. Only she argues) while others only cared about what pictures to be posted up and did not object even though they spent a lot of effort on the club’s well-being as well.

    What do you think? Am I going crazy and not being a good person (I want to show my work and help others succeed) or is the person jealous? (It is the way I saw when the message was sent to me)

    Looking forward to hearing back from you.

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Hi Yoko,

      I’m really sorry to hear that you are suffering with these heavy emotions. It can literally weigh down your spirit, and of course that’s not good for your health!

      Have you tried having a face-to-face meeting with the Co-Founder? If not, try contacting her directly. Explain that you would like a chance to meet. You may want to say something like “I know we’ve had some differences in the past but I really want to clear the air and move forward in a good way. My intentions to set up the club were very good and I wish nothing but the very best for your success. I understand that you are concerned about the reputation of the club and I certainly value your efforts to do the right thing. Moving forward, I would like to find a happy medium where I feel that I can still have some credit for my original work but not step on your toes for what you are doing now. Do you have any suggestions of how we can do that?” Give her an honest chance to share her side of the story and be open to what she has to say.

      Communication is the key to resolving any dispute and you will have the best outcome if you approach it in a positive and supporting way (i.e. non-argumentative).

      Wishing you all the best of luck to clear this issue with a good resolution!

      My best,

      To your health,

      Jennifer

      Reply
    • Shesh
      Shesh says:

      Hi Yoyo,

      You say that you did not have any interest in the clubs direction and you had to leave. You even got busy with other roles of responsibilities. Now, why are you bent upon creating more acrimony with your erstwhile partner? Is it not clear to you that you are more skilled than her at the job? If only you had shown your ideas and interest early on and stuck on!!!

      She must be feeling that with your every action on the website you are out to prove to everyone else that you should never have been out of the club. Maybe she feels jealous that you are better than her. Maybe she feels that the executive may oust her and re-instate you, if that is possible. Maybe she feels that you should mind your own business, since you are not a part of the club anymore.

      Maybe you should ask her if she is okay with what doing certain things, either because the other people in the executive are known to you or they do not want to take sides. If you are really eager to get back into the club, maybe you should join in some capacity and do the necessary things, after finding about your rights in marketing the club, whether any policies changed after you left and whether the new policies allow you to do that. If that is not agreeable to you, Maybe you should stay away and involve in other creative pursuits in the other organization which you are a part of now.

      It is better to stay away on agreeable terms than to make the relationship toxic, when the other person clearly wants nothing to be done by you. Steve jobs was kicked out from Apple, though Apple was his original idea and would not have existed without him. But eventually they had to take him back to lead Apple, and only then could Apple see the success with the iPod, iPhone, iPad and other devices… but he was just a non meddling well-wisher, because it was his baby after all. So, if they need you, they will want you at the helm again.

      Best wishes,
      Thanks,
      Shesh

      Reply
  15. Samson
    Samson says:

    Thanks for these information.

    I am a student who is quite. Passionate and resilient. I’m a good person and can say that without a second thought. In my class, there are a number of course mates who a very unruly to me, more so deliberately. Although I’m relatively quiet and subtle, there is this aura to spite me each time I’m with them. I’m pained. I love them. What can I do pls?

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Hi Samson,

      Keep your chin up, literally. Hold you head high and ignore any negative comments. Just pretend like you didn’t hear it. If they get no reaction from you, eventually they will move on to someone or something else. And if things get really bad, talk to your teacher or a staff member. Also, it can help to write an unsent letter to each person. Get out all of your frustration and anger. Then, take the letter and tear it up. Release yourself from holding onto any negativity. When you move your negative emotions out, you make room for the positive ones to flood in. Good friends, supportive people and happy moments are here for you.

      My best,

      Jennifer

      Reply
    • Shesh
      Shesh says:

      Hi Samson,

      I admire your resilience. It is a very good thing. You must be definitely better than them at something, else believe me they would not bother. It also happens a lot with silent people. Some amount of assertion (not aggression) from your side should set the things in order.

      I have experienced and heard of a many such victims and bullies. I can almost bet with you that each one of those guys are very good to you when you are alone, but act silly only when they are in a group, the group dynamics kicks in, and everyone behaves like monkeys, positioning themselves and imitating or agreeing with the leader monkey. This happens in lot of uncontrolled group scenarios. That is the psychology of the mob.

      In a perfectly rational world you would imagine that you are holding a huge golden ball, and giving it to the bullies/offenders every time you react. So your resilience is a good thing.

      Since, everything is not rational, you have to play a small positive game. You have to form some powerful allies with neutral people within the group or outside the group. You have to stand up for underdogs when someone is targeted by a group. That brings out your leadership qualities. You should brush off personal insults with a rock solid stern face. Don’t show emotion. Don’t show weakness. It confuses the enemy. Because they cannot touch you. The moment it becomes physical it escalates to management, and it becomes difficult for them, they know it.
      I know of a boy who kept changing schools and his parents complaining to management, but I saw that the kid was meek and seeking for validation from the very same monkeys, and trying to be a wannabe part of the bully gang himself.
      I also know of a boy who was new to school and his friend helped him from being bullied. And the very next year the friend was ashamed to see the same boy bullying a new admit the very next year. You see, peer pressure of monkeys is rock-solid.

      There is a story that a pious man saw a boy carrying a bag of peanuts and the monkeys were chasing him. The pious man told him in a loud voice – Just stop and face them, and Lo and behold…the monkeys did not know what to do, they were confused, they were no longer chasing…they retracted.

      World is full of such people like the monkeys, Fight the temptation and the urge to be one of them… Don’t be nice…Be Good.

      Best wishes,
      Thanks,
      Shesh

      Reply
  16. Anicka
    Anicka says:

    Hi Jennifer,

    I read your post and it was awesome! Please forgive me and bare with me as this is my first time commenting on a site. I also love the other replies that the wonderful women posted too. I too have one such friend who is very unhappy with her life and therefore makes comments about mine. The way I cope with negativity is I go into myself and meditated which I find helps me, as I used to be an emotional eatter when I was younger to cope with this problem. I’ve learnt one very important lesson and that is you can’t change people but only your reaction. It’s hard sometimes but if we don’t remember this then those people will drag us down to their level.

    Devine Love Anicka

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Hi Anicka,

      You nailed it! It’s so true that your power lies in how you react to things. Well done for finding a positive way to cope and also for sharing your story. It’s so great to hear your success!

      To your health,

      Jennifer

      Reply
  17. Ariane
    Ariane says:

    Thanks for your post! I really needed to read this. I just dropped a French class because I was tired of dealing with an unprofessional teacher who belittled students including myself. She expected perfection and frankly no one is perfect definitely when you are trying to learn a new language. She had so much negative energy that I just couldn’t tolerate being in her presence. I feel disappointed in myself because I normally don’t drop classes. I feel like a failure, but at least I tried.

    Thanks for the wonderful post.

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Hi Ariane,

      That sounds just like a Hebrew teacher I had last year. I soon realized that the problem was with her, and like you, I quit. Never feel bad about listening to your gut and doing what’s best for you! You are opening doors for a better, more positive teacher to come in and when you find him or her, you will be really glad that you did!

      To your health,

      Jennifer

      Reply
  18. Toni
    Toni says:

    I try sooooooo hard to,stay positive. But sometimes negative people can get under your skin.but I just have to remember that…..most of there problems I.e jealousy ,pettiness have nothing to do with me but everything to do with how they lack self worth.

    Reply
  19. Lyndsay
    Lyndsay says:

    Thank you for this awesome post! I’ve been feeling crappy all weekend about a supervisor who absolutely hates me for no reason. I swear she wants me to fail at my job. She watches and waits for me to mess up so she can feel superior to me and put me down, but I rock at what I do! I’m constantly nice but still get no where with her. I just keep reminding myself all the support, love, talent and success I have without her in my life. Thanks again!

    Reply
    • Jennifer Thompson
      Jennifer Thompson says:

      Hi Lyndsay,

      You’re not responsible for her problems and you can only control how you feel, so well done on putting your energy and focus into all the love that surrounds you. That will only bring more love, support and success for you!

      My best,

      Jennifer

      Reply
        • Jennifer Thompson
          Jennifer Thompson says:

          Dear Isha,

          I see that you asked a question on this same blog post only 3 minutes ago, and then left this message afterwards. I’m not sure what you are asking exactly, but no I am not a robot. I am a human being. Thank you for your kindest patience! Now, off to answer your other comment…

          My best,

          Jennifer

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