Are you typically the person who says “yes” and has a hard time saying “no”? If you feel guilty for saying no and are always saying yes to please others, then you’re probably already feeling the pinch of the “yes” trap and wishing you had a plan of escape. Read on…this could be one of the most important things you ever learn on your health journey!
What happens when you never say “No”
You might be the yes person who signs up for every class, race, charity event, adventure trip, and social outing to the point of feeling totally exhausted and in need of a holiday just to recover from too much social time. You could be the friend who is there for everyone, always putting your needs last and taking care of others. Or, you could be stuck in that feeling of “needing to do it all” and putting pressure on yourself to be the expert chef, perfect partner, ever-present friend, fitness guru, zen meditation seeker, yoga and pilates wonder-stretcher all while posting every moment on youtube, Instagram, Facebook, twitter and in blast emails to your family and friends while working a full time job and engaged in part time study and setting up your business on the side, all while doing a juice fast cleanse of course because you don’t have time for that at any other time of year!
Whew!! Can you see how quickly all your to-do items can snowball into a get me outta here feeling?!
Feeling Frustrated, Resentful and Overwhelmed
If you’re the person who is always first to help, offer, fix, mediate or organize things for others, you will quickly see that every time someone needs something, they’ll soon be knocking at your door. Or your email, Facebook, phone and door. If you’re simply taking on too much all the time, you can start to feel overwhelmed constantly. It won’t take long at all before you don’t have a single moment left for yourself.
Your initial enthusiasm for all your new hobbies or genuine desire to help others can quickly turn into anger, resentment and frustration. And guess what? Those energies are very bad for your health!
Most people have trouble managing their goals with how much time they realistically have in one day. Then, they feel so overwhelmed over where or how to start, so instead they do nothing. If that sounds like you, then it’s time to achieve a better balance and learn to start saying “No.”
How to say “No” (and without guilt!)
First, decide what you want. Yes, you get to decide! Don’t think of your friends or family or what anyone else thinks of you. What do you want and what is of most value to you? That’s where your focus and priorities should be.
Once you prioritize the areas of most importance, let go of the rest. Don’t feel you need to do it all! Remember, if you’ve done 10 things halfway, you’ve still done nothing! It’s impossible to do everything so let go of that pressure. Right now. And most importantly, release any guilt that may start to creep in once you make the choice.
How to actually say the word “no” can feel very difficult initially, especially if you’ve been a yes person your whole life. You might feel like peeping out a quiet no and then running for cover, for fear of what people might think or say. You’ve gotta let that bad feeling go, hold your head high and just do it! If you are really having a hard time, start by saying, “Can I get back to you on that?” This is a great tool to give yourself some space from the confrontation of saying no but without being roped into another unwanted yes. Some people need you to be the one to set boundaries with them, but you would never know it had you always said yes to their every request.
As you make the change from yes to no, release any guilt but also keep your compassion. You are allowed to be busy or not available and you don’t need to explain why. You can still say yes when you want, and that’s okay! But there is a wonderful sense of power in taking back your health and your life when you say no. Believe me, it feels so good after the first few times that you might want to start saying no to everything!
Benefits of Saying “No”
More time to do what’s important for you
More energy for your own health and healing
Increased self-esteem and confidence
More enthusiasm over the things that you do choose to do
Feeling that you’re on the right path (your path!) and in control of your destiny
Say “Yes” to Yourself!
The reward of starting this new practice is that you’re actually saying “yes” to yourself….that means more time for you to focus on what really matters to YOU. Time management is most definitely one of the keys to success in life. The sooner you realize that you need to be in control of how and with whom you spend your time, the better and healthier you will be. The only person that will make sure that you are achieving your own goals is YOU.
I’ve often thought to myself, “If I do that I will be achieving their goals, but those are not my goals.” Now, I don’t think like that about a minor thing like going out to the movies lol, but I will definitely make that consideration it in the case of a business proposition or a big life decision.
Remember to have the courage to follow your own path and not let others persuade you away.
Your homework: Practice saying “no” without guilt and make more time for the things YOU really want to do. You can achieve your goals… and you can start today!
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